I’ve just finished to read this novel titled “Black heels to Tractor wheels” about an incredible and sweet love story, about a man and a woman who fall in love and are not afraid to shout it out, about a man who gives without expecting to take back, who says “I love you” not to hear it back, who just puts his heart in the hands of the woman he loves with no fear or hesitation.
And it made me think, and think, and think again and I tried to remember when was last time I met a guy like Marlboro Man.
Have I ever?
I believe I did, when I was younger, years ago, back in college, I dated this guy, he was in the Italian special forces. He was strong and manly but sweet and lovely in the inside. He used to call me right after each date just to wish me good night, or in the middle of the day just to hear my voice and make sure I was ok….I loved that! I loved how important and special he made me feel and I loved the fact that he wasn’t afraid of showing his feelings, nor was he concerned of playing any stupid game like most of the guys I dated after him did.
I can’t help but wonder what happened to romance, are we all too busy, too concerned about our career or our life to really be able to put ourselves out there and love without planning or playing tactics? Are we?
Why do we always have to think before acting, plan every move, wait for the other person to say “I love you” , because saying it first is a sign of weakness and put us in the shortfall?
And for the first time in years I’ve missed him, I’ve missed the way he made me feel, the way he was able to always surprise me and leave me speechless.
I’m not even sure I know the reason why we broke up, I guess we were just too young and wanted to have fun and experience ourselves more. Which was right. Try to get back together is a possibility I’ve never even considered. Why?
1. I have a boyfriend I am deeply in love with, who, yes, is not the sweet-date after phone call-kinda guy, but he is still thoughtful in his own way, and he is able to make my knees get weak and my skirt fly, who is there anytime I need him and takes care of me and loves me for what I am. Because even if he tries to play it though, he has a big-soft heart which he has shown me more than once. And because no matter what, I just LOVE him with all my heart!
2. I don’t want to spoil the memory I have of my army guy. Is he still the same sweet/lovely guy I met or has he grown up and modern times have changed him too? I don’t wanna have to face that, the possibility of him not being my “Marlboro Man” anymore. I want to keep him in my heart and mind and always be able to remember him like the old-style guy who once made me happy and that will always have a piece of my heart.
And if today I am the giving girl I am, it’s also thanks to him. Because he has taught me how to open my heart and love without hesitation or limit, he has taught me to put myself out there and take care of the person I love, to show my feelings without being ashamed of them. And anytime in life I get upset or disappointed by someone, I just remember about him and just like that I find the strength to not change, but keep loving the way I do.
I think that’s the right way: moving on, but still remembering about those people that really mattered and who helped us becoming who we are today.